I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
