I only kidnapped one of them. chill
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
