I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
