OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
