:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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