I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
