Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
