I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
