Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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