There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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