This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Fuck appropriateness.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
