Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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