how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
