He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize
