can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
