Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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