There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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