You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
