there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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