PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
