New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
