yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
