I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
