My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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