How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
