i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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