I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Terrible idea I love it
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
