Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
