I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
