I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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