Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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