I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
