Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
