Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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