My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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