There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
it's like iHOP with fire
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
