What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
God gave him joint rollers for hands
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
