Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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