hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
