You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
