so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
