Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
