So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
