Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
