i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
