she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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