let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
