I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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