is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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