I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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